


Of Failures and Food

by AnxiousPhoenix



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Eating Disorder, M/M, Sad, Self Harm, Self-Hatred, first fic, im sorry, what do you tag idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 17:33:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12487116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousPhoenix/pseuds/AnxiousPhoenix
Summary: Virgil knows everyone hates him. He is a failure after all.Roman wants to get to know Virgil better. Without letting anyone know him.Logan has no idea what's going on.Patton just wants to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, this is my first fic and I hope you like it even though it's probably trash. I appreciate any feedback :)

He'd done it again. 

Roman had stormed off after a particularly heated debate on the movie Tangled. Now Princey hated him even more, if that was possible. Logan and Pat were quick to take Romans side, as usual. So that left Virgil. Shrinking into his hoodie he escaped to his room.

F. A. I. L. F. A. I. L. Those letters over and over, he'd failed again. failed at being a good friend, failed at keeping Thomas happy. 

When he got to his room he ran to his bed and reached under the mattress. Sighing as his fingers closed around the cold metal hidden there.

He held the sewing pin in his hand turning it over a few times thinking about how he'd stolen it from Patton's sewing box.

"Jeeze I really can't do any good, they would be better off without me."

Hand trembling he pressed to pin down on his left arm, watching in awe as his blood began to bubble and drip off his skin. F. A. I. L. Those letters, that word playing over and over in his mind as he etched it into his arm.

*  
It had been three days since anyone had seen Virgil and they were starting to get worried. He was never around much, but usually there was food missing from the fridge to hint at his existence. 

"I want to check on him," Patton said during breakfast, poking at his un-touched food.

"Now you know that he likes his alone time," Logan replied not even looking up.

"I'm going anyway," Patton said with determination.

As he marched up the stairs he wondered why Virgil had been avoiding them, it wasn't that long ago that they had done the accepting anxiety video with Thomas and he thought that they had been doing a good job of including him. 

Had one of them said something? He was trying to think of the last time that he'd seen the anxious trait, oh yes they had all been watching a movie, Roman and Virgil had been talking then he'd run off mumbling something.

Patton reached toward the door, a shiver running through him. He knocked and got a muffled reply so he opened the door. 

Anxiety's room was darker than normal and that's really saying something, he scanned the room and found him under a pile of blankets on the floor in one corner. As he approached, he heard what could only be described as a strangled sob come from the blankets. 

*  
A knock at the door woke him up. 

"What do you want?" He asked from under his blankets.

Someone walked in and stopped a few feet away. It's probably Patton, he's the only one that cares enough to check, but he cares about everyone like that. Patton steps closer to him and reaches out to grab a blanket. 

"Kiddo?"

Virgil grunts in response, not making an effort to move. 

"Hey, let's get you to bed, ok?"

"Mmk."

Patton picked up the younger trait and flinched at how light he was. He set Virgil on the bed and covered him up. Then headed back to the blankets on the ground. Virgil mumbled something that he couldn't quite hear.

"I'll just wash these for ya, Kiddo."

He picked them up and left the room.

The second the door closed Virgil sat bolt upright. 

The sheets. 

Patton took the sheets.

On his way down the stairs he made note of the stains and what would need to soak. When he got to the laundry room he set down the sheet that Virgil had had wrapped around him.

Looking down at his hands he screamed in horror.

His hands were red.


	2. Chapter 2

The scream was barely out of his mouth when Virgil ran around the corner and into him.

"The sheets," was all he got out between gulps of air, "Please don't tell," again stopping trying to catch his breath.

Just then they were joined by Prince and Logan. 

"What is going on?" 

"Are you ok?"

Morality was silent not knowing what to say. The pleading look in Virgil's eyes was all the convincing it took.

Hiding his hands in the already ruined sheets he says, "S-sorry I saw a spider."

Logan looked annoyed and left.

Roman stayed skeptical till Virgil said, "Yeah big spider."  
   
Then, still looking unconvinced, he left.

"Thank you," Virgil mumbles, as he grabs the sheets and takes off. 

The whole ordeal over so quickly, Patton is left wondering if it really happened.

*

Back in the living room, Roman's stomach made a horrible noise.

"Could you kindly eat something or leave. This is very important and your making too much noise.

"Couldn't you work in your room?"

"Better Wi-Fi here." Logan stated matter of factly.

"Uggg fine," Roman says with an exaggerated  sigh, "I'll just leave then."

Logan grunts a reply, turning back to his work.

Scowling Roman leaves. If he doesn't want him there then so be it.

*

After some dragon fighting in his room he'd calmed down. He glanced at the clock for the time. 

"Well it's dinner time, I'd better come up with an excuse. I have to keep up my royal appearance." Roman says to himself.

He glances in the mirror, face falling.

Scanning and finding all the flaws. Left eyebrow is slightly darker, nose too big, eyes a horrible colour of mud, too short, freckles all over. 

Well there was nothing he could do about that. But he would fix one thing. His weight. He was far larger than any prince should be. And he was going to fix that.

So when Patton called for dinner he pretended to be asleep.

*

Logan looked across the table at Morality. The table was never this empty when they had pizza something must be wrong.

"Where is everyone?"

"I'm not sure," the moral side said, picking at his food.

"What is with everyone today?" Logan sighs and takes his plate to the sink.

*

He'd thrown out the sheets and cleaned up his room. Virgil was just about to go watch some Doctor Who when he heard a knock on his door.

"Come on in, it's open," he called.

The door slowly creaked open to reveal Roman. Roman? Why is Roman here?

Roman just stood there, not saying anything.

*  
What was he doing here? Last he remembered he was in the living room. He couldn't even recall climbing the stairs.

"Can I help you?" Virgil says, looking puzzled.

Oh crap, I need to say something. Why am I here? Too long a silence. Need words.

"I just uh, you've been gone for a while."

What was that? You're the creative side and that's all you have?

Virgil raised an eyebrow, "Look Princey, do you want something or.."

"No one has seen you much this week and I er we were getting worried.  You know you're a part of our team right. You can hang out with us. Logan said you didn't want to but I didn't know if you knew that we want you there too." Roman blurted out in one breath.

Oh sure now I have words, and way too many of them.

"Um alright, that was a lot." Virgil started, wide eyed at Romans outburst, "I was just gonna watch a show hey wait it's 4am why are you awake?"

"I erm I couldn't sleep," Roman says so quietly he has to repeat himself.

"Well like I said I was gonna watch a show, you can join me Princy, if ya want. You don't have to or anything."

"Could I? Just for an hour or two?"

"Sure, why not? So tell me what keeps the ever stoic Prince Roman awake at night?"

"Oh shut up Hot Topic." Roman said a smile hinting at his face, "Now move over."

"As you wish, your majesty" Virgil said with an exaggerated bow, "But seriously why are you still up?"

"It doesn't matter." 

I don't need to worry him with my problems. I don't even know why I'm here.

"Alright suit yourself."

Why did I come to Virgil's room? It must be because he's the only one awake at this hour. Yeah that's it, he's the only one up. What else could it be?


	3. Chapter 3

After the second episode Roman had fallen asleep. Virgil examined the royal and noted the bags under his eyes that rivaled his own.

I'd better let him sleep, apparently he needs it. Why did he come here? I guess I was the only one awake. Yeah that makes sense.

Virgil slowly, as to not wake Roman, untangled the computer cord from the sleeping mass. 

After half an hour of careful movements he was leaving his room with his laptop and some head phones. On his way down the stairs, he checked the time.

"5am already? Jeeze."

Virgil is just making himself comfortable on the couch, when one of the blankets he kicks groans. 

"Logan? What are you doing?"

"Better Wi-Fi," pausing for a yawn, "up late working," taking another moment to clear his head, "Virgil why are you here? You'd never be in the common area if you could be in your room." Logan stated matter of factly.

"Well you got me there, normally I would enjoy my own space, however right there is a snoring prince there."

"Why is Roman sleeping in your room?"

"He came in late and was acting all weird so I let him stay. He looks awful. I don't think he's slept in days."

"That can't be good. I will talk to him after breakfast today," Logan said with a frown. He got up and left shortly after.

"Great I don't even have time for one episode now."

Sneaking his laptop back into his room, he found Princey awake.

"Enjoy your beauty sleep?"

"Oh. Yeah um thanks and uh sorry."

"It's fine, not like I wanted to have space on my own bed anyway."

Roman flinched, and much to Virgil's surprise, didn't have a sarcastic come back. He didn't say anything. When he turned to leave, Virgil saw it. Something he'd never seen before in his life.

He saw Roman cry.

*

Running out of Virgil's room and down the stairs would be much easier if he wasn't crying. He stubbed his toe half way down and fell the rest.

That's how Logan found him. Laying at the bottom of the stairs, crying and holding his bleeding foot.

*

"Hello Roman," the logical side said, crouching beside him.

"I'm fine," Roman answered through sobs.

"Yes, that's why you're crying and laying on the ground," he paused, "Come with me let's get you cleaned up."

*

Virgil made his way to the breakfast table. Pulling his sleeves down further. He'd failed again. He'd made Roman cry. Why did he ruin everything? 

He sat down to a very distressed Patton.

*

Where is everyone? Are they ok? Virgil isn't always here for breakfast and sometimes Roman is late, but Logan never is. Never.

All these thoughts circle in Patton's mind, he doesn't notice Virgil sit down.

"Mornin' Pat."

"You're ok! Where is Logan? And Roman? Are they ok?"

"Woh , too early and too many words," Virgil said while pouring coffee.

Patton ran to Virgil and hugged him, knocking him over in the process.

"Ow!" Virgil yelped, grabbing his arm.

"Kiddo?"

"I'm fine. You just scared me."

Patton looked scared, "Kiddo we need to talk, ok?"

Virgil looked at his feet, "We are talking Patton, did you hit your head when you tackled me?"

Patton handed him a paper towel for his now bleeding arm. Dam! How had he not noticed? 

"Kiddo, " Patton carefully approached him, "Why was there blood on your sheet? And why is your arm dripping blood now?"

Virgil stared in silent horror for a moment.

Then he ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the short chapter. I've been crazy busy with school. I'll try to make the next one longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it's finally here. Hope you enjoy.  
> If there are any mistakes please let me know :)

Slamming the door behind him, he fell to the ground crying. Virgil knew he shouldn't have run but what choice did he have? Patton knew. He knew. 

Virgil scratched at his skin. He picked and picked. Finally stopping when blood was flowing steadily from his arm.

* 

"There, that should be adequate," Logan says as he finishes putting a Band-Aid on Roman's toe.

"Thanks," Roman mumbles, "I should go-"

"You missed breakfast, here eat this," Logan interrupts handing him a protein bar.

"I'm not hungry. But thank you, I'll uh eat it later." Roman says getting up and stuffing it in his pocket.

"Why aren't you eating?" Logan looks up at him puzzled. 

"I'm just not-"

"Eating is important, your body needs nutrients."

"Alright I'll keep that in mind." 

"No wait. Roman? Roman come back here! Stop running away! This is childish!"

*

I need to hide, he's going to make me eat. I can't eat it'll ruin all the work I've done. Logan doesn't understand. But where can I go? Ok think. Where is the last place anyone would look for me?

And that is why for the second time in twenty four hours Virgil heard a timid knocking on his door.

*

"Virgil let me in! Please it's important!"

Maybe it was the way his voice had cracked, or the sound of desperation in his words. But for some reason Virgil found himself reaching for the door handle.

*

The door creaked open slowly and he ran inside. Knocking Virgil over on his way in.

"Lock it! Lock it! Quick!" He pleaded.

Locking the door Virgil looks at him in confusion,  "Princey, what the hell are you running from?"

"Not what who. Logan. He thinks he's smart. He has no idea. No one does. Oh great I'm rambling now," Roman says starting to cry again.

*

Virgil had never seen him this way before. He looked broken. Defeated. He knew Logan and Roman didn't always see eye to eye but this was different. He looked like something had broken in him. He looked like someone found out his darkest secret. He looked like, well he looked like Virgil.

"Looks like we're both avoiding people, so you're welcome to stay I guess. DVDs are over there. Put whatever you want in the laptop. I'll just be a minute." Virgil says hurrying to his bathroom.

Roman said something he didn't quite catch then he was in his bathroom with the door locked behind him.

What is going on with Roman? What could possibly be so bad that he's come here?

"Whatever I'll figure that out later. Right now I need to clean myself up." Virgil whispers to himself as he rebandages his once again bleeding arm.

*

Logan ran out of his room after Roman, and right into a crying Patton.

"Logan I need your help. I tried to do it alone but I made it worse and now I don't know what to do." Patton stammered out between sobs.

"What did you make worse and why are you crying and holding a broken mug?"

Morality just stands there, tears starting to fall.

The logical side steps closer to Patton and gently pats his head.

"I'll go make some tea ok? You will drink some and calm down."

Patton nods and shuffles to the kitchen. 

*

Roman is on my bed. Roman is crying on my bed. Hiding from Logan. What the hell is going on?

"Roman? I uh, do you want anything? I've got Red Bull and popcorn." Virgil says carefully, not wanting to upset Roman further.

*

Hours had gone by since Roman had first started hiding in the darker side's room.

Virgil had eventually put on some Doctor Who for background noise because the silence was horrible.

"Virgil?" Roman said in a small voice.

"Yes?"

"What would you do if someone found out something that you didn't want them to know?"

"Like if you found out I actually love the movie Frozen?" Virgil said with a chuckle.

Roman paused, "Wait. What? You love that movie?"

"Yep," Virgil says popping the 'p'.  
Roman's eyes lite up and he almost looks like his normal self. A smile tugging on his lips.

"Yes fine we can watch it."

"Do you know all the words too?" 

"Don't push it."

"Ok, ok. Put it on! Put it on!" Roman was giggling like a small child.

The music began and Virgil climbed back on the bed beside Roman, wondering what in the world was going on.

*

The credit music began and Virgil yawned. It had been a long day. Roman was tired looking too.

"Virgil?" The fanciful side asked quietly. 

"Yes Princey?"

"Don't you want to know why I'm here?"

"I was gonna wait and let you bring it up."

"Oh," He paused, "You're a good person Virgil."

"Sure if you say so," Virgil mumbles back, puzzled at what Roman meant.

"Roman why are you hiding from Logan?" Virgil regretted asking immediately after the words left his mouth.

"I um," he breathed in and out, "Logan doesn't think I'm eating enough," He finished simply. 

"That's all? Logan doesn't think anyone does anything right."

Then Virgil thought for a moment. When was the last time he'd seen Princey eat? He didn't have any popcorn earlier.

"But if you're hiding then there must be some truth to that." Virgil waited for Roman to leave, knowing he'd gone too far.

*

Truth to it. Yes, maybe, but how could he explain to Virgil that he couldn't eat. That he was fixing himself.

"I'm fixing a problem," he finally said.

"Oh," Virgil paused, "I can't imagine what problem you're trying to fix, I can't find anything wrong with you. Believe me I've tried."

Virgil looks like he regrets saying that. He stands to leave.

This is my fault I can't let him leave.

Without thinking Roman reaches out to grab Virgil's hoodie sleeve.

*

Romans hand closes around his wrist. 

No. No. No. He can't know. 

Don't flinch. 

Don't. 

Too late.

"Virgil, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

Roman pulls him back toward the bed. 

"I'm going to lift your sleeve, ok?"

"Please don't."

"Virgil I'm hiding in your room because I haven't eaten anything in a week and Logan found out. Now I'm going to lift up your sleeve."

Roman had said it with so much authority that Virgil sat down and held out his arm.

He's going to hate me. 

More than he already does.

Roman gasps when he sees Virgil's arm.

"Fail?" He whispers. Looking up he sees tears pouring down Virgil's cheeks.

"Why would you think you're a failure?"

He hates me now. 

Virgil starts to scratch at his arm. Looking away from Roman.

I made Roman cry again. I'm horrible. 

Without warning Roman raps his arms around Virgil and pulls him close.

Virgil let's out a surprised shriek. 

"Virgil you're not a failure. I am for letting you think you are," Roman says through tears.

Virgil is about to protest, but Roman pulls him closer and holds him.

After a few minutes of sitting I  shock, Virgil raises his arms and hugs him back.


	5. Chapter 5

They stayed like that until the sun came up. Both had run out of tears a long time ago. When Roman finally did let go, Virgil almost protested.

They made their way to the breakfast table and sat in their normal chairs.

"Good morning you two! How did you sleep?" Patton says skipping over with plates in hand.

Roman, responding with Virgil's usual answer, mumbles "What's so good about it?" 

And Virgil says, in a rather Roman like fashion, "I slept beautifully. How about you?"

Logan and Patton stare in confusion and shock.

Logan was about to say something when Roman bursts out laughing. 

"Sorry, sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face anymore."

Virgil just smiles in response. 

How come I never noticed how cute Romans laugh is? Wait. Where did that come from? I'm spending too much time with the emotional side.

"Well I'm glad to see you two are doing well," Logan says as the laughter dies down.

"Yeah. You two sure are spending a lot of time together lately," Patton says excitedly.

"No were not!" Virgil says loudly, almost yelling, "nothing has changed. Everything is normal."

With that he gets up and leaves.

*

They were left in silence after Virgil's outburst.

Roman was the first to talk, "I've got a lot to do today, many royal duties to attend to," he announces as he stands and clears his place.

"Kiddo you didn't touch your breakfast, are you feeling alright?"

"Of course I am Pat, I'm just not feeling hungry this morning, I'll eat a big lunch I promise."

Patton smiled, but Logan didn't look convinced. 

*

Different? Is it different now? I don't like different.  Different is bad. 

Virgil was curled in a ball on his bed as the first wave of anxiety hit him. It felt like his chest had turned to lead, and he couldn't breathe. 

He tried the breathing techniques that Logan had shown him, but they weren't working.

He knew that he was making Thomas have a panic attack now too, and that just made him feel worse.

His hand closed around the familiar cold metal, and he knew what he had to do to calm down.

F. A. I. L. 

F. A. I. L. 

He knew he shouldn't but he had to, he'd failed again. This time he'd failed Thomas, and that was unacceptable.

*

With one final swing the dragon witch was dead. 

It was easy since she'd just stood there. 

Roman knew his heart wasn't in the fantasy, and it would affect Thomas's creative flow.

Well I can't hurt my dear Thomas. What should I do? I'm supposed to be the creative one. So why is the only thing I can think of is the colour black and the song 'I don't love you'.

Roman paces his room, walking up to his shelve he takes another piece of gum.

"Yuck, spearmint," Roman grimaces, "well it stops me from feeling hungry so I suppose I'll just get a different flavor next time."

*

"You don't think he's eating?"

"I know he's not, the question is why."

"Well we gotta do something!"

"Patton if I knew what to do I wouldn't be consulting you."

"But Logan you're the thinker, I don't know what to do here."

"Well you're good with people and touchy feely unpleasantness."

"Thanks! I think. But what do we do?"

"We need to talk to him."

"Them."

"Them?"

"Yes, them. I'll talk to Virgil you talk to Roman."

"Why does Virgil need talking to."

"Trust me Logan. If what I think is true, is true, I need to talk to him."

Logan had never seen the usually happy side look so serious. 

"Alright, I will speak with Roman."

"And I'll talk to Virgil."

"Good luck."

"You too."


	6. Chapter 6

Virgil looks down at his handy work, red lines streak his skin and fall to the floor.

A knock at his door makes him jump.

"Virgil?"

It's Patton's voice, no doubt here to tell him off for disrupting breakfast.

"You don't have to answer the door, I just, I want, no, I need you to know I'm here for you. And I know you're not okay so please don't just dismiss this," Patton pauses and takes a deep breath, "Kiddo I'm here, and I want to talk to you about this."

*

Patton sucked in another deep breath, he had no idea what he was doing. What if he made this worse? 

Well I have to try to help him.

The only response from inside the room was shuffling and a thump against the door.

* 

He didn't know when he'd moved but when he looked up, he was across from his bed, sitting against his door.

"Virgil?" Patton says, "Are you ok?"

Why is he so worried about me? Can't he just leave?

Now tears were falling from Virgil's face and making a puddle on the floor.

*

"Roman? Roman? I need to speak with you."

The creative side didn't like the tone he was hearing from the normally level headed Logan.

"Yes," he finally answered through the door.

"I need to speak with you." Logan repeated.

"Whatever about?" Roman says trying to keep some cheer in his voice.

"You're not eating."

The words just hung in the air. Roman froze and Logan didn't know what to say.

*

After what felt like an eternity, but was, in reality, about half an hour, Roman finally heard the logical side leave.

Falling to the floor he began to cry.

*

I'll talk to Patton, he'll know how to get Roman to open his door. 

Logan thought on his way to Virgil's room.

When he got there he explained to Patton what had happened with Roman. 

*

Suddenly Virgil's door swings open, causing Patton to fall backward into the darker sides room. 

"What do you mean he's not answering?"

Logan could not find words. Just staring at the younger side.

Virgil pushed past him and ran in the direction of Romans room.

When he's gone Patton jumps up "Logan you're bleeding what happened?"

"What? No I'm not, I'm fine." As he says it he looks down at his side and sees a large red stain.

"But that's where Virgil banged into me on his way by."

Logan stands in confusion for a moment, before it finally dawns on him what had happened, horror spreading across his face he breaks the silence. 

"Patton, is Virgil hurting himself?"

*

The question was simple enough. And the answer even more so. 

So why was the response stuck in his throat?

"I.. I.. he, " Patton stammered out. 

Still sitting on the floor, he looked up at Logan. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak.

"Yes," he finally squeaked out, "I think he is."

Logan flinched at that answer, slowly sliding down beside Patton. 

"What do we do?"

"I don't know."

And then Patton saw something that he never had before. 

He saw Logan cry.

* 

"Roman! Roman!"

Roman jumped at the sound of his name and the sudden pounding on his door.

What now?

It sounds like Virgil.

"Princey if you don't open this door I'll break it down."

Roman found himself moving to the door. The second he had unlocked it, he was tackled to the ground by a very upset looking Virgil.

*

Virgil stared at Romans tear stained face for a few moments before realizing he was laying on top of the other side.

Scrambling to get up he tore open another cut on his arm, getting blood on Roman's clothes.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.."

He was cut short by Romans arms being wrapped around him. 

"There's clean clothes in the dresser," Roman said pointing, "and I'm going to go get gaze. Wait here."

So Virgil watched Roman leave the room. 

What happened? I was supposed to help Roman not the other way around. 

Reaching into his pocket his fingers warped around the cold metal hiding there.

*

"Sorry Virgil, I only have pink gaze, I didn't even know it came in different colours but it'll work just the same. Did you find some clean cloths?"

Roman asks walking into the room, "Virgil? Virgil! No wait stop! Virgil!"

Running over to where Virgil was sitting in the corner, he grabbed the blade from Virgil's hand, cutting several of his fingers in the process. 

Roman recoiled his hand in pain, but he had managed to grab the blade away from Virgil. 

He threw it across the floor. 

Turning his attention back to the now shaking and crying Virgil he said in the calmest voice he could, "I'm not going to leave again ok. But I need to bandage your arm," he swallowed looking at how much blood was on the ground, "ok we're going to stand up and walk to the bathroom." 

Roman carefully helped Virgil up and guided him to the bathroom, where he cleaned and bandaged Virgil's arm.  
Virgil was silent save for the sharp intake of breath when Roman applied rubbing alcohol.

When Roman was satisfied with the state of Virgil's arm he led him back to the main part of his room and to his bed, where he covered Virgil in blankets and waited for him to fall asleep.

After the events of the day all he had the energy to do was crawl under another blanket and fall asleep beside the already snoring Virgil.

*

Patton poured another cup of coffee for him and Logan. 

Neither could sleep so they sat at the kitchen table in silence.

Patton broke the silence, "I know what we have to do."

"What's that?"

"We have to talk to Thomas."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! Sorry about the delay, I've been super sick :(  
> I hope you like the latest chapter, and as always, please let me know of any spelling mistakes. Thanks!

Patton had been chosen to talk to Thomas.

"You are much more equipped to talk with him than I am," Logan had argued. 

Thomas was watching an episode of The Office  when Patton quietly  rose up from the floor.

I don't want to startle him, so I'll just wait until the episode ends.

Three hours later, Thomas jumps in surprise, when a very annoyed looking Logan appeared in front of him.

"Patton what are you doing? It's been three hours!"

From behind the couch came a sheepish "I love this show too, I got distracted."

"Logan? Patton? What are my moral and logical sides doing interrupting movie night?"

"Technically that is a TV show," Logan says, adjusting his glasses.  
"You can watch TV shows on movie night," Patton argued.

"Guys!" Thomas yells, waving his hands around.

"Then why is it called movie night?"

"Because you can watch movies but you can also watch TVshows."

"Can the name be changed to watching something on the television night?"

"No that's too long!"

"Enough!" Now standing between the arguing sides, Thomas yells, "If you two are done, I'd like to know why you're here."

"Well," Logan starts nervously, "Patton would like to tell you something."

Patton glares at Logan, then turning to Thomas says, "we are worried about Virgil and Roman."

"What's wrong? are they ok?" Thomas asks, getting nervous.

This time Logan is the one that speaks, "we don't think so," after a pause he continues, "Romans not eating and Virgil is, well he's... he's..."

"He's hurting himself," Patton cut in.

The silence in the room was defining.

"I was worried about this."

Logan and Patton stare at Thomas in quiet shock.

"How," it looked like Logan would say more but nothing came out of the logical sides mouth.

"I'm going to make some coffee, we need to talk," Thomas said, heading to the kitchen.

* 

Virgil awoke with a start.

This isn't my bed. This isn't my room. 

He turned and saw Roman sleeping beside him.

I'm in Romans bed. Why am I in Roman's bed? Suddenly the events of last night rush back to him.

With all the grace of a drunk cat on an ice rink Virgil jumped out of the bed and looked at his arm.

Virgil chokes back a sob when he sees the clean dressing. Knowing Roman must have cleaned his arm. He looks to the still sleeping Roman. 

*

Roman awoke to the sound of quiet sobbing. 

"Virgil? Are you alright?"

His response came through tears.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, you shouldn't have had to. I came to help you and I messed up. I'm weak. I'm a failure."

At that last word Roman jumped up and went to Virgil.

"Virgil look at me. You are not a failure. You hear me. Virgil you are one of the most brave people I know. You keep Thomas safe, you look out for us other sides too. You don't like public places or lots of people but you put those fears aside so Thomas can have fun. If anything I'm the failure. What do I do? Make Thomas day dream and waste time. That's it I don't help at all," Roman finished with a sigh.

"You're his hopes and dreams, his will to keep trying when I tell him it's no use. Don't say you're useless, you are the reason we all are where we are today."

Virgil's response surprises Roman to say the least.

Virgil carefully places his hand on Roman's cheek and strokes his thumb over a stray tear.

Roman freezes for a moment, unsure of how to respond. But he soon finds himself leaning into Virgil's touch.

They stay like that for a minute before Virgil moves closer and leans his forehead against Romans own.

"You're not a failure, never say that. Roman never say that."

Virgil is so close that Roman can feel his breath on his cheek.  
Roman isn't sure why he does what he does next. Perhaps it's because the emotions are high in the room right now. Perhaps it's because he's the part of Thomas's mind that deals with passion. Or perhaps it's because he'd wanted to for so long. Whatever the reason, Roman closes the remaining distance and lightly presses his lips to Virgil's.

*

Thomas, Logan and Patton sat at the kitchen table, sipping at their coffee.

"Not that I'm not enjoying the awkward silence, but I said I'd explain," Thomas starts, "you said that Romans not eating, well the truth is I haven't been eating well lately either. I haven't starved myself, like you said Romans doing, but I know I should be eating more. I noticed that I gained some weight and I thought the easiest was to louse it."

"As the logical part of your brain I know you know that's not true," Logan interrupts.

"Maybe I was doing it to punish myself," Thomas says quietly, "I feel like I haven't been keeping my promises lately and I thought, well, I thought," he pauses.

Patton stands up and walks to Thomas, hugging him when he gets there.

"Oh kiddo, " Patton says lost for words, "you've been doing the best you can."

"I'm sorry to bring it up, however if you weren't eating, like Roman, are you also doing what Virgil did?" Logan says, looking like he doesn't want to know the answer.

"You mean have I hurt myself?"

"Yes."

"No I haven't, I've thought about it, but I haven't."

"Oh thank goodness," Logan says as he grabs Thomas into a hug.

Thomas's stomach grumbling interrupts the hug.

"Food time now," Patton says rather forcefully.

"I'll go make sandwiches, " Logan says as he leaves the room.

"If I eat properly and try to think better of myself, do you think it will help Virgil and Roman?" Thomas asks nervously. 

"I hope so," came Patton's simple reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this when I should be sleeping, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)  
> Edit: I have gone back and fixed the many spelling errors, thanks to those who pointed them out.  
> I am working on chapter 8, but I'm also writing a new mini series called Happy Place, so please go check it out!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for waiting! And for 1000 views!!! That's amazing.

Virgil's first instinct was to pull away, and everything in his mind told him to run. So why didn’t he move? Why was he still standing there? Why was he kissing Roman back?

A knock at the door startled both sides and they jumped back, Virgil falling over in the proses.

"Roman? Do you know where Virgil is? He's not in his room."

"Yeah, we went there first but he wasn’t there," Logan and Patton said, while still knocking at the door.

After clearing his throat, Roman's response came out squeaky, "yes! He's in here."

*

"Does Roman sound weird to you?" Patton asks as he waits for the door to be opened.

"He doesn't always sound like that?"

"No, no he does not."

After a bunch of shuffling the door finally creaks open.

"Hi Logan, hi Patton! How are you? Why are you here?" 

"Roman why are you talking so fast, and why are you all red?" Patton asks, giving the fanciful side a skeptical look.

Logan stayed silent, thinking to himself. He is rather red. Is Roman sick? No he seemed healthy earlier, what about overheated? It doesn’t seem overly warm in his room. 

Just as Logan was about to grab his Sherlock hat (strictly for scientific purposes), Virgil appeared by the door. He was flushed and breathing hard too.

"Ah ha! Of course! I should have realized what you two were up to sooner," Logan exclaims with excitement.

Roman freezes and turns to Logan, "what do you mean?"

"Well, obviously, you two were exercising," he stated mater of factly, so caught up in the fact that he had solved such a mystery, Logan missed how relived Roman was, and he continued, "I should have realized it sooner, you are red and breathing heavy, clear signs of a workout. It is safer to exercise with a partner so that is why you invited Virgil. It makes perfect sense. Well you two have fun, stay hydrated. We need to talk to you after this though," Logan says the last part as he drags Patton away toward the family room.

*

It wasn’t until they were halfway into an episode of Sherlock (Logan had insisted), that Patton realized what had Ro and Virgil had been doing. He was about to jump up and shout the news to Logan, but then he stopped. If they did not tell us, maybe they want to keep it a secret for now, he thought to himself.

*

Still shaking from the whole experience, Virgil felt a panic attack coming on.

"R-ro," he started quietly, "help m-me," he finished before collapsing into a heap on the floor.

Why would you do that? And now everyone knows. You are such a failure. Just like always. Did you think you could help your friend? You can't even help yourself. You failure. Roman doesn’t care about you. He hates you. They all hate you.

*

Roman stood in silent horror. What do I do? How can I help him? He stared at Virgil who had started banging his hen on the wall and yelling.

"Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!"

Roman ran to him and held him to stop the smaller side from hitting his head.

"Virgil how can I help? Tell me what to do," Roman was in tears now, holding his friend as he crumpled up in pain.

Virgil's cries stopped for a moment, and he looked at Roman, "Ro?"

"Yeah I'm here."

"Make him stop. Please make him stop, "Virgil said between sobs.

"Who? Virgil, I don’t understand, who are you yelling at?"

"Him. Make him stop. It hurts," Virgil cries holding his head, "I need to punish myself, I'm a failure," he cries into his arms.

"Virgil you need to snap out of it! Look at me! Right here Virgil. Look at me," the crying side slowly looked up at Roman," yes just like that, just focus on me. I don’t know who is hurting you but I am going to protect you. Ok? I care about you and I need you to know that."

Virgil's breathing started to even out and eventually his loud sobs grew quiet. After a while Roman picked up Virgil and took him to the bed, never letting go of him.

"I'm sorry Ro."

"About what?"

"That"

"You have no reason to be sorry."

"I may have dented your wall."

"Crap, we should get ice on your head. And don’t worry about the wall."

"There is no need."

"But there is a bump forming," Roman says concern showing on his face.

"I deserve it. That never should have happened in front of you."

"Virgil, the only things you deserve is love and happiness. I'm sorry that I can't give you happiness. But I will give you love," Roman said the last part quietly and he held Virgil tighter, "I have to get up now and get you ice ok?"

"I don’t want ice."

"You need it."

"I don’t want you to move."

"I don’t want to either, but you need ice on your head," as Roman got up to grab ice Virgil curled in on himself and shivered.

*

It was only a few minutes but it felt like days had gone by, waiting for Roman to return. It was so cold without roman here. Virgil just focused on breathing so he wouldn’t have another attack.

The feeling of the bed dipping told him that roman was back. Without thinking Virgil turned and hugged him.

"I've only been gone five minutes"

"Too long."

"I had to get ice," he said holding it to Virgil's now very swollen head.

"Thank you Roman. Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course! If you think I'm letting you go anywhere without me for the foreseeable future you've got another thing coming."

For the first time since the kiss, Virgil felt his face start to form a smile. Roman wants to know what happened, I should tell him. I owe it to him for what I just put him through.

"The one that was hurting me, before, you wanted to know," Virgil trailed off, only continuing when Roman gave him a nod, "it's Anxiety."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you for your patience in me getting this chapter out.


	9. Not a new chapter  (sorry)

Hey all, it's been a while,  
I know that it has been over a year since I posted a chapter in this story. I am sorry about that, and the fact that this is not a new chapter. The thing is that I was not in a good head space when I started writing OFF. I have spent this past year working on my mental health, and am happy to say that I am doing much better. Unfortunately, I am unsure if I will be continuing this story any time soon. I love this story and I don't want to end it but every time I have sat down to work on it I just haven't been able to. I'm going to do my best to finish this story, but I cant promise it will be any time soon.  
Thanks so much for all the kudos and comments, they mean the world to me.   
Love you all,  
Anxious Phoenix


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